A maid wanted a pay increase. The Madam was very upset about this and asked: “Now Maria, why do you want an increase?”
Maria: “Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.”
Madam: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “The Master said so.”
Madam: “Oh.”
Maria: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”
Madam: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria: “The Master did.”
Madam: “Oh.”
Maria: “My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.”
Madam (very upset now): “Did the Master say so as well?”
Maria: “No Madam, the gardener did.”
SHE GOT THE RAISE !!!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Laugh of the Day
Photo of the Day
Elephants in an Approaching Storm This beautiful picture was taken in Africa. If anyone knows the photographer, please leave a comment so I can give credit and a link. Thanks.
Today's Words: taxonomy, tectonic
taxonomy
tectonic
taxonomy: \tāk-sŏn'ə-mē\; The scientific classification of organisms into specially named groups based either on shared characteristics or on evolutionary relationships as inferred from the fossil record or established by genetic analysis; the science, laws, or principles of classification; systematics; division into ordered groups or categories.
tectonic: \těk-tŏn'ĭk\; relating to, causing, or resulting from structural deformation of the earth's crust; of or pertaining to construction or architecture.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Jury Duty Scam
The following was posted on the fbi.com Web site June 2, 2006. I am posting this now because I just received it in an email from a friend. Pass this to everyone you know...
The phone rings, you pick it up, and the caller identifies himself as an officer of the court. He says you failed to report for jury duty and that a warrant is out for your arrest. You say you never received a notice. To clear it up, the caller says he’ll need some information for “verification purposes”—your birth date, social security number, maybe even a credit card number.Check it out here: www.fbi.gov/page2/june06/jury_scams060206.htm
This is when you should hang up the phone. It’s a scam.
Jury scams have been around for years, but have seen a resurgence in recent months. Communities in more than a dozen states have issued public warnings about cold calls from people claiming to be court officials seeking personal information. As a rule, court officers never ask for confidential information over the phone; they generally correspond with prospective jurors via mail
The scam’s bold simplicity may be what makes it so effective. Facing the unexpected threat of arrest, victims are caught off guard and may be quick to part with some information to defuse the situation.“They get you scared first,” says a special agent in the Minneapolis field office who has heard the complaints. “They get people saying, ‘Oh my gosh! I’m not a criminal. What’s going on?’” That’s when the scammer dangles a solution-a fine, payable by credit card, that will clear up the problem.
With enough information, scammers can assume your identity and empty your bank accounts.
”It seems like a very simple scam,” the agent adds. The trick is putting people on the defensive, then reeling them back in with the promise of a clean slate. “It’s kind of ingenious. It’s social engineering.”
In recent months, communities in Florida, New York, Minnesota, Illinois, Colorado, Oregon, California, Virginia, Oklahoma, Arizona, and New Hampshire reported scams or posted warnings or press releases on their local websites. In August, the federal court system issued a warning on the scam and urged people to call their local District Court office if they receive suspicious calls. In September, the FBI issued a press release about jury scams and suggested victims also contact their local FBI field office.
In March, USA.gov, the federal government’s information website, posted details about jury scams in their Frequently Asked Questions area. The site reported scores of queries on the subject from website visitors and callers seeking information.
The jury scam is a simple variation of the identity-theft ploys that have proliferated in recent years as personal information and good credit have become thieves’ preferred prey, particularly on the Internet. Scammers might tap your information to make a purchase on your credit card, but could just as easily sell your information to the highest bidder on the Internet’s black market.
Protecting yourself is the key: Never give out personal information when you receive an unsolicited phone call.
And here: www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp
August Rush
If you love the power of music and hear it everywhere you go, you will LOVE the new movie August Rush. What the heck, you'll love this movie no matter what. Saturday evening my best friend and I went to see a sneak preview. We each saw the trailer (see below) and thought it might be a movie worth seeing. DANG! We couldn't have been more right. It was terrific! I had a smile on my face almost the whole movie.
Freddie Highmore (Peter in Finding Neverland) plays August Rush, and he is amazing. With a calm demeanor, August (who was given up at birth) believes with every fiber of his being that he will find his birth parents. August hears music everywhere he goes and believes that if he can get his own music heard he will find his parents and his parents will find him. Sounds far fetched, but watching August and his devotion, he makes you believe too.
From Warner Bros.
A charismatic young Irish guitarist (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and a sheltered young cellist (Keri Russell) have a chance encounter one magical night above New York’s Washington Square, but are soon torn apart, leaving in their wake an infant, orphaned by circumstance. Years later, performing on the streets of New York and cared for by a mysterious stranger (Robin Williams) who gives him the name August Rush, the child (Freddie Highmore) uses his remarkable musical talent to seek the parents from whom he was separated at birth.
Laugh of the Day
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said, “Hang on, I have an idea.”
He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said, “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!”
Murphy replied, “Don’t worry—just follow me.”
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whiskey.
Shamus said, “Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!”
Murphy replied, with a smile, “Don’t worry, I have a plan. Cheers!”
They downed their drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.”
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said, “Murphy, I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killin’ me!”
Murphy said, “How do you think I feel? I lost the Sausage in the third pub.”
Photo of the Day
I can’t seem to find out the name/species of this beautiful little blue bird. If anyone know anything about it, please leave a comment.
Today's Words: supercilious, tautology
supercilious
tautology
supercilious: \sōō'pər-sĭl'ē-əs\; having or showing arrogant superiority to and disdain of those one views as unworthy; expressive of contempt.
tautology: \tô-tŏl'ə-jē\; (logic) an empty or vacuous statement composed of simpler statements in a fashion that makes it logically true whether the simpler statements are factually true or false; for example, the statement Either it will rain tomorrow or it will not rain tomorrow; needless repetition of the same sense in different words; redundancy; “to say that something is ‘adequate enough’ is a tautology.”
Monday, November 19, 2007
Laugh of the Day
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”
The wife stared at him, “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
Photo of the Day
Detian Falls
According to Wikipedia:
Detian Falls are an array of waterfalls in the Karst hills of Daxing County in the Chongzuo prefecture of Guangxi Province, China along the border with Vietnam.
It is the second largest waterfall along a national border after Niagara Falls and was one of the crossing points for China’s army during the brief Sino-Vietnamese War. Nearby there is the Tongling Gorge accessible only through a cavern from an adjoining gorge. Rediscovered only recently, it has many species of endemic plants, found only in the gorge, and used to be used as a hideout by local bandits whose treasure is occasionally still found in the cliff-side caves.
A road running along the top of the falls leads to a stone tablet from the 1950s that marks out the border with Vietnam in French and Chinese.
Today's Words: subjugate, suffragist
subjugate
suffragist
subjugate: \sŭb'jə-gāt'\; to bring under control; conquer; to make subservient; enslave.
suffragist: \sŭf'rə-jĭst\; an advocate of the extension of political voting rights, especially to women.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Fascinating Stories: Best Evidence—Chemical Contrails
This special program was broadcast August 10th, 2007.
It looks at those who claim that jet fuel of commercial and military aircrafts contain secret experimental additives, such as aluminum oxide, for weather modification purposes.
The scientific theory behind this claim is that such additives could act like small mirrors to reflect sun rays, thus, slowing down the coming disastrous effects of global warming and climate change.
Those who make this conclusion also say that some of these alleged experimental jet fuel additives can harm the health of plants, animals and humans, even if there was a positive intent behind them to help slow down global warming.
Interviewed are atmospheric scientists who say that there is no scientific evidence available to make such conclusions.
The Discovery Channel team traveled to Kettering University in Flint, Michigan, where they commissioned a scientific test of a random jet fuel sample from the local airport. Though a limited test using only one random sample of commercial jet fuel, it doesn’t show anything abnormal about its chemical composition.
Discovery Channel’s conclusions is that though there is no proven scientific evidence yet that contrails of civilian or military airplanes contain experimental additives and chemicals, they discover that the US military has the technology available to manipulate the weather using these means if they wish to do so through a secret program, as they did in Vietnam during the Vietnam war through a project called “Operation Popeye.”
Journalist William Thomas concludes by saying that in the winter of 2005, the United States government established a federal bureau of weather modification in Washington, DC. He says this is a government mandated agency whose stated mission is to modify the weather and climate. Under this rubric, he claims that the government could come out and admit to a chemtrail-type project. [2007, Length: 59:32]
Laugh of the Day
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The fireman says, “Hey little girl. What are you doing?”
The little girl says “I’m pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!”
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. “Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!” the fireman says.
“Thanks mister,” says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the wagon to the dog’s “privates.”
“Little girl,” says the fireman, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog’s neck I think you could go faster.”
The little girl says, “You’re probably right mister, but then I wouldn’t have a siren!”
Photo of the Day
Another wicked storm photo for today. As I've said before, I love watching storms and would love to be one of those storm chasers—even for just one day. I have no photographer info, so if anyone knows the photographer and/or a link, please leave a comment.
Today's Words: sanguine, soliloquy
sanguine
soliloquy
sanguine: \sāng'gwĭn\; of a healthy, reddish color; ruddy; of the color of blood; red; cheerfully confident; optimistic.
soliloquy: \sə-lĭl'ə-kwē\; the act of speaking to oneself; a dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character talks to himself or herself or reveals his or her thoughts without addressing a listener; a specific speech or piece of writing in this form of discourse.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Laugh of the Day
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”
“Of course. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”
When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked: “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father.”
Fascinating Stories: Detroit S.W.A.T.
A special documentary for the Discovery Channel exploring what it takes to serve and protect the city of Detroit. Amongst it's riverfront, casinos, two new sporting arenas, and world-class events, these brave men and women give their lives so that you can feel safe, either living or visiting this once great city reemerging as a new destination place for people around the world. True heroes that go unsung. Narrated by Kate Fleming. [2000, Length: 50:00]
Once Upon A Time...Ali and the Sultan’s Saddle
Once upon a time...there lived a very powerful Sultan whose kingdom stretched to the edges of the desert. One of his subjects was called Ali, a man who enjoyed making fun of his ruler. He invented all sorts of tales about the Sultan and his Court, and folk would roar with laughter at his jokes. Indeed, Ali became so well known, that people pointed him out in the street and chuckled.
Ali’s fun at the Sultan’s expense reached the point where the Sultan himself heard about it. Angry and insulted, he ordered the guards to bring the joker before him.
“I shall punish him for his cheek,” said the Sultan eagerly, as he rubbed his hands, thinking of the good whipping he was about to administer.
But when Ali was brought before him, he bowed so low that his forehead scraped the floor. Giving the Sultan no time to open his mouth, Ali said: “Sire! Please let me thank you for granting my dearest wish: to look upon you in person and tell you how greatly I admire your wisdom and handsome figure. I’ve written a poem about you. May I recite it to you?”
Overwhelmed by this stream of words and delighted at Ali’s unexpected praise, the Sultan told him to recite his poem. In actual fact, Ali hadn’t written a single word, so he had to invent it as he went along, and this he did, loudly comparing the Sultan’s splendour to that of the sun, his strength to that of the tempest and his voice to the sound of the wind. Everyone applauded and cheered. Now quite charmed, the Sultan forgot why he had called Ali before him, and clapped at the end of the poem in his honour.
“Well done!” he cried. “You’re a fine poet and deserve a reward. Choose one of these saddles as payment for your ability.” Ali picked up a 
donkey’s saddle and, thanking the Sultan, he hurried out of the palace with the saddle on his back. When people saw him rush along, they all asked him: “Ali, where are you going with that donkey’s saddle on your back?”
“I’ve just recited a poem in honour of the Sultan, and he’s given me one of his own robes as a reward!”
And winking Ali pointed to the saddle!
Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints He uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post each one in the following days (this is photo #9; last in this series). If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
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