An elderly Florida man drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.
Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this,” and pulled over to await the Trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”
The old gentleman paused. Then said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”
“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the Trooper.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Laugh of the Day
Photo of the Day
I found this photo on the Internet and there was no information associated with it. The composition of the dandelion and sun make for a stunning photograph. If anyone knows the photographer, please leave a comment.
Today's Words: tempestuous, thermodynamics
tempestuous
thermodynamics
tempestuous: \těm-pěs'chōō-əs\; characterized by violent emotions or behavior; tumultuous; stormy.
thermodynamics: \thûr'mō-dī-nām'ĭks\; the science concerned with the relations between heat and mechanical energy or work, and the conversion of one into the other: modern thermodynamics deals with the properties of systems for the description of which temperature is a necessary coordinate.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Laugh of the Day
A maid wanted a pay increase. The Madam was very upset about this and asked: “Now Maria, why do you want an increase?”
Maria: “Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.”
Madam: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “The Master said so.”
Madam: “Oh.”
Maria: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”
Madam: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria: “The Master did.”
Madam: “Oh.”
Maria: “My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.”
Madam (very upset now): “Did the Master say so as well?”
Maria: “No Madam, the gardener did.”
SHE GOT THE RAISE !!!
Photo of the Day
Elephants in an Approaching Storm This beautiful picture was taken in Africa. If anyone knows the photographer, please leave a comment so I can give credit and a link. Thanks.
Today's Words: taxonomy, tectonic
taxonomy
tectonic
taxonomy: \tāk-sŏn'ə-mē\; The scientific classification of organisms into specially named groups based either on shared characteristics or on evolutionary relationships as inferred from the fossil record or established by genetic analysis; the science, laws, or principles of classification; systematics; division into ordered groups or categories.
tectonic: \těk-tŏn'ĭk\; relating to, causing, or resulting from structural deformation of the earth's crust; of or pertaining to construction or architecture.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Jury Duty Scam
The following was posted on the fbi.com Web site June 2, 2006. I am posting this now because I just received it in an email from a friend. Pass this to everyone you know...
The phone rings, you pick it up, and the caller identifies himself as an officer of the court. He says you failed to report for jury duty and that a warrant is out for your arrest. You say you never received a notice. To clear it up, the caller says he’ll need some information for “verification purposes”—your birth date, social security number, maybe even a credit card number.Check it out here: www.fbi.gov/page2/june06/jury_scams060206.htm
This is when you should hang up the phone. It’s a scam.
Jury scams have been around for years, but have seen a resurgence in recent months. Communities in more than a dozen states have issued public warnings about cold calls from people claiming to be court officials seeking personal information. As a rule, court officers never ask for confidential information over the phone; they generally correspond with prospective jurors via mail
The scam’s bold simplicity may be what makes it so effective. Facing the unexpected threat of arrest, victims are caught off guard and may be quick to part with some information to defuse the situation.“They get you scared first,” says a special agent in the Minneapolis field office who has heard the complaints. “They get people saying, ‘Oh my gosh! I’m not a criminal. What’s going on?’” That’s when the scammer dangles a solution-a fine, payable by credit card, that will clear up the problem.
With enough information, scammers can assume your identity and empty your bank accounts.
”It seems like a very simple scam,” the agent adds. The trick is putting people on the defensive, then reeling them back in with the promise of a clean slate. “It’s kind of ingenious. It’s social engineering.”
In recent months, communities in Florida, New York, Minnesota, Illinois, Colorado, Oregon, California, Virginia, Oklahoma, Arizona, and New Hampshire reported scams or posted warnings or press releases on their local websites. In August, the federal court system issued a warning on the scam and urged people to call their local District Court office if they receive suspicious calls. In September, the FBI issued a press release about jury scams and suggested victims also contact their local FBI field office.
In March, USA.gov, the federal government’s information website, posted details about jury scams in their Frequently Asked Questions area. The site reported scores of queries on the subject from website visitors and callers seeking information.
The jury scam is a simple variation of the identity-theft ploys that have proliferated in recent years as personal information and good credit have become thieves’ preferred prey, particularly on the Internet. Scammers might tap your information to make a purchase on your credit card, but could just as easily sell your information to the highest bidder on the Internet’s black market.
Protecting yourself is the key: Never give out personal information when you receive an unsolicited phone call.
And here: www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp
August Rush
If you love the power of music and hear it everywhere you go, you will LOVE the new movie August Rush. What the heck, you'll love this movie no matter what. Saturday evening my best friend and I went to see a sneak preview. We each saw the trailer (see below) and thought it might be a movie worth seeing. DANG! We couldn't have been more right. It was terrific! I had a smile on my face almost the whole movie.
Freddie Highmore (Peter in Finding Neverland) plays August Rush, and he is amazing. With a calm demeanor, August (who was given up at birth) believes with every fiber of his being that he will find his birth parents. August hears music everywhere he goes and believes that if he can get his own music heard he will find his parents and his parents will find him. Sounds far fetched, but watching August and his devotion, he makes you believe too.
From Warner Bros.
A charismatic young Irish guitarist (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and a sheltered young cellist (Keri Russell) have a chance encounter one magical night above New York’s Washington Square, but are soon torn apart, leaving in their wake an infant, orphaned by circumstance. Years later, performing on the streets of New York and cared for by a mysterious stranger (Robin Williams) who gives him the name August Rush, the child (Freddie Highmore) uses his remarkable musical talent to seek the parents from whom he was separated at birth.
Laugh of the Day
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said, “Hang on, I have an idea.”
He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said, “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!”
Murphy replied, “Don’t worry—just follow me.”
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whiskey.
Shamus said, “Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!”
Murphy replied, with a smile, “Don’t worry, I have a plan. Cheers!”
They downed their drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.”
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said, “Murphy, I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killin’ me!”
Murphy said, “How do you think I feel? I lost the Sausage in the third pub.”
Photo of the Day
I can’t seem to find out the name/species of this beautiful little blue bird. If anyone know anything about it, please leave a comment.
Today's Words: supercilious, tautology
supercilious
tautology
supercilious: \sōō'pər-sĭl'ē-əs\; having or showing arrogant superiority to and disdain of those one views as unworthy; expressive of contempt.
tautology: \tô-tŏl'ə-jē\; (logic) an empty or vacuous statement composed of simpler statements in a fashion that makes it logically true whether the simpler statements are factually true or false; for example, the statement Either it will rain tomorrow or it will not rain tomorrow; needless repetition of the same sense in different words; redundancy; “to say that something is ‘adequate enough’ is a tautology.”
Monday, November 19, 2007
Laugh of the Day
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”
The wife stared at him, “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
Photo of the Day
According to Wikipedia:
Detian Falls are an array of waterfalls in the Karst hills of Daxing County in the Chongzuo prefecture of Guangxi Province, China along the border with Vietnam.
It is the second largest waterfall along a national border after Niagara Falls and was one of the crossing points for China’s army during the brief Sino-Vietnamese War. Nearby there is the Tongling Gorge accessible only through a cavern from an adjoining gorge. Rediscovered only recently, it has many species of endemic plants, found only in the gorge, and used to be used as a hideout by local bandits whose treasure is occasionally still found in the cliff-side caves.
A road running along the top of the falls leads to a stone tablet from the 1950s that marks out the border with Vietnam in French and Chinese.
Today's Words: subjugate, suffragist
subjugate
suffragist
subjugate: \sŭb'jə-gāt'\; to bring under control; conquer; to make subservient; enslave.
suffragist: \sŭf'rə-jĭst\; an advocate of the extension of political voting rights, especially to women.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Fascinating Stories: Best Evidence—Chemical Contrails
This special program was broadcast August 10th, 2007.
It looks at those who claim that jet fuel of commercial and military aircrafts contain secret experimental additives, such as aluminum oxide, for weather modification purposes.
The scientific theory behind this claim is that such additives could act like small mirrors to reflect sun rays, thus, slowing down the coming disastrous effects of global warming and climate change.
Those who make this conclusion also say that some of these alleged experimental jet fuel additives can harm the health of plants, animals and humans, even if there was a positive intent behind them to help slow down global warming.
Interviewed are atmospheric scientists who say that there is no scientific evidence available to make such conclusions.
The Discovery Channel team traveled to Kettering University in Flint, Michigan, where they commissioned a scientific test of a random jet fuel sample from the local airport. Though a limited test using only one random sample of commercial jet fuel, it doesn’t show anything abnormal about its chemical composition.
Discovery Channel’s conclusions is that though there is no proven scientific evidence yet that contrails of civilian or military airplanes contain experimental additives and chemicals, they discover that the US military has the technology available to manipulate the weather using these means if they wish to do so through a secret program, as they did in Vietnam during the Vietnam war through a project called “Operation Popeye.”
Journalist William Thomas concludes by saying that in the winter of 2005, the United States government established a federal bureau of weather modification in Washington, DC. He says this is a government mandated agency whose stated mission is to modify the weather and climate. Under this rubric, he claims that the government could come out and admit to a chemtrail-type project. [2007, Length: 59:32]
Laugh of the Day
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The fireman says, “Hey little girl. What are you doing?”
The little girl says “I’m pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!”
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. “Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!” the fireman says.
“Thanks mister,” says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the wagon to the dog’s “privates.”
“Little girl,” says the fireman, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog’s neck I think you could go faster.”
The little girl says, “You’re probably right mister, but then I wouldn’t have a siren!”
Photo of the Day
Another wicked storm photo for today. As I've said before, I love watching storms and would love to be one of those storm chasers—even for just one day. I have no photographer info, so if anyone knows the photographer and/or a link, please leave a comment.
Today's Words: sanguine, soliloquy
sanguine
soliloquy
sanguine: \sāng'gwĭn\; of a healthy, reddish color; ruddy; of the color of blood; red; cheerfully confident; optimistic.
soliloquy: \sə-lĭl'ə-kwē\; the act of speaking to oneself; a dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character talks to himself or herself or reveals his or her thoughts without addressing a listener; a specific speech or piece of writing in this form of discourse.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Laugh of the Day
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”
“Of course. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”
When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked: “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father.”
Fascinating Stories: Detroit S.W.A.T.
A special documentary for the Discovery Channel exploring what it takes to serve and protect the city of Detroit. Amongst it's riverfront, casinos, two new sporting arenas, and world-class events, these brave men and women give their lives so that you can feel safe, either living or visiting this once great city reemerging as a new destination place for people around the world. True heroes that go unsung. Narrated by Kate Fleming. [2000, Length: 50:00]
Once Upon A Time...Ali and the Sultan’s Saddle
Once upon a time...there lived a very powerful Sultan whose kingdom stretched to the edges of the desert. One of his subjects was called Ali, a man who enjoyed making fun of his ruler. He invented all sorts of tales about the Sultan and his Court, and folk would roar with laughter at his jokes. Indeed, Ali became so well known, that people pointed him out in the street and chuckled.
Ali’s fun at the Sultan’s expense reached the point where the Sultan himself heard about it. Angry and insulted, he ordered the guards to bring the joker before him.
“I shall punish him for his cheek,” said the Sultan eagerly, as he rubbed his hands, thinking of the good whipping he was about to administer.
But when Ali was brought before him, he bowed so low that his forehead scraped the floor. Giving the Sultan no time to open his mouth, Ali said: “Sire! Please let me thank you for granting my dearest wish: to look upon you in person and tell you how greatly I admire your wisdom and handsome figure. I’ve written a poem about you. May I recite it to you?”
Overwhelmed by this stream of words and delighted at Ali’s unexpected praise, the Sultan told him to recite his poem. In actual fact, Ali hadn’t written a single word, so he had to invent it as he went along, and this he did, loudly comparing the Sultan’s splendour to that of the sun, his strength to that of the tempest and his voice to the sound of the wind. Everyone applauded and cheered. Now quite charmed, the Sultan forgot why he had called Ali before him, and clapped at the end of the poem in his honour.
“Well done!” he cried. “You’re a fine poet and deserve a reward. Choose one of these saddles as payment for your ability.” Ali picked up a 
donkey’s saddle and, thanking the Sultan, he hurried out of the palace with the saddle on his back. When people saw him rush along, they all asked him: “Ali, where are you going with that donkey’s saddle on your back?”
“I’ve just recited a poem in honour of the Sultan, and he’s given me one of his own robes as a reward!”
And winking Ali pointed to the saddle!
Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints He uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post each one in the following days (this is photo #9; last in this series). If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
Today's Words: reparation, respiration
reparation
respiration
reparation: \rěp'ə-rā'shən\; the act or process of repairing or the condition of being repaired; the act or process of making amends; expiation; something done or paid to compensate or make amends; reparations—compensation or remuneration required from a defeated nation as indemnity for damage or injury during a war.
respiration: \rěs'pə-rā'shən\; the metabolic processes whereby certain organisms obtain energy from organic molecules; processes that take place in the cells and tissues during which energy is released and carbon dioxide is produced and absorbed by the blood to be transported to the lungs; a single complete act of breathing in and out; “thirty respirations per minute”; the bodily process of inhalation and exhalation; the process of taking in oxygen from inhaled air and releasing carbon dioxide by exhalation.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Once Upon A Time...Amin and the Eggs
Once upon a time...a peasant called Amin lost all his crops from his miserable little plot in a drought. He decided to seek his fortune in another village, and off he went on his donkey. On credit, he obtained a dozen hard-boiled eggs from a merchant for his journey.
Seven years later, Amin returned to his village. This time he was riding a fine black horse, followed by a servant on a camel laden with gold and silver coins. Amin had become a rich man and the news of this soon spread through the village. Straight away, the merchant who had given him the dozen eggs on credit knocked at Amin’s door, asking for five hundred silver pieces in payment of the old debt. Amin of course refused to pay such a large sum and the matter was taken before the judge.
On the day of the hearing, the merchant appeared in court at the appointed time, but of Amin there was no sign. The judge waited impatiently for a quarter of an hour, and was on the point of adjourning the hearing, when Amin dashed in, out of breath.
At once, the merchant said, in defense of his demands: “I asked Amin for payment of five hundred silver coins, because twelve chickens might have hatched from the eggs he bought from me on credit, seven years ago. These chickens would have become hens and cockerels; more eggs would have been laid, these too would have hatched, and so on. After seven years, I might have had a great flock of fowls!”
“Of course,” agreed the judge. “Perfectly right.” And turning to Amin with a hostile air, he ordered: “What have you to say for yourself? And, by the way, why are you late?”
Amin did not turn a hair. “I had a plate of boiled beans in the house and I planted them in the garden to have a good crop next year!”
“Fool!” exclaimed the judge. “Since when do boiled beans grow?” To which Amin promptly retorted: “And since when do boiled eggs hatch into chickens?”
He had won his case.
Fascinating Stories: Can We Save Planet Earth?
Can We Save Planet Earth? was released on June 1, 2006 on the BBC and The Discovery Channel as the second of a two-part series, the other entitled, Are We Changing Planet Earth?
The documentary is presented by acclaimed filmmaker David Attenborough as he discusses the science and implications of climate change and what we can do to stop climate change. [2006, Length: 58:53]
Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints He uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post each one in the following days (this is photo #8). If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
Today's Words: recapitulate, reciprocal
recapitulate
reciprocal
recapitulate: \rē'kə-pĭch'ə-lāt'\; to review by a brief summary, as at the end of a speech or discussion; summarize; to repeat in concise form; to make a summary.
reciprocal: \rĭ-sĭp'rə-kəl\; the number by which a given number must be multiplied to get a result of one (the reciprocal of one-half, for example, is two); concerning each of two or more persons or things; especially given or done in return; performed, experienced, or felt by both sides.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Fascinating Stories: Are We Changing Planet Earth?
The global warming documentary Are We Changing Planet Earth? was released on May 24, 2006 on the BBC and The Discovery Channel as the first of a two-part series, the other entitled, Can We Save Planet Earth? will appear in a future post.
The documentary is presented by acclaimed filmmaker David Attenborough as he discusses the science and implications of climate change. [2006, Length: 57:52]
Laugh of the Day
Today’s laugh is from my friend Manish:
One dark night in the small town of Garfield, NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, “All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will donate $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out and delivers them to me.”
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.
Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi, NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.
To everyone’s amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance that was as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The ‘on camera’ reporter asked the Italian fire chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”
“Wella,” said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, “de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa uppa de brakes on dat f***inna truck!!”
Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints he uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post each one in the following days (this is photo #7). If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
Today's Words: quasar, quotidian
quasar
quotidian
quasar: \kwā'zär', -sär', -zər, -sər\; an extremely distant, and thus old, celestial object whose power output is several thousand times that of our entire galaxy; a starlike object that may send out radio waves and other forms of energy; many have large red shifts.
quotidian: \kwō-tĭd'ē-ən\; everyday; commonplace; recurring daily.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Laugh of the Day
If you can read this whole story without laughing then there’s no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who are from Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, Illinois.
Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.”
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1: MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1: A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank): Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2: AUSTIN’S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3: Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3: FRED’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1: Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2: A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3: Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4: BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5: LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
CHILI # 6: VERA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7: SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
Judge # 1: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2: Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing it’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8: BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1: The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3: No Report
Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints he uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post each one in the following days (this is photo #6). If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
Today's Words: polymer, precipitous
polymer
precipitous
polymer: \pŏl'ə-mər\; a naturally occurring or synthetic compound consisting of large molecules made up of a linked series of repeated simple monomers.
precipitous: \prĭ-sĭp'ĭ-təs\; done with very great haste and without due deliberation; extremely or impassably steep.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Cute or Mean & Selfish?
I happened upon this picture...
The first thing I thought was, how cute love conquers all. Then I looked again and said, how selfish...they survived but most of the others will die in the pit! What are your thoughts?
Original site
Smooth Jazz Pianist: Keiko Matsui
Keiko Matsui is my all-time, favorite smooth jazz pianist. Born July 26, 1961 in Tokyo, Japan, she is married to Kazu Matsui, himself a talented musician, and they have two children.
Matsui received the Oasis award for Best Female Smooth Jazz Artist of the Year in 1999 and again in 2000.
From Wikipedia:
Matsui’s music is powerful and introspective, blending both Western and Eastern musical influences. She has a very spiritual view of composing music, feeling out each composition as though it were, in her words, “coming to me from another space, another dimension,” and “catching notesI hope you enjoy her music/videos as much as I do!from the silence and then simply placing them together.” Matsui sees music as “the great gifts from the human souls from the past, for the children of the future.” She believes that music has a power to bring people together and change their lives. “We are connected by music,” Matsui wrote, “as the Ocean connects the continents.”
A lover of nature, Matsui often makes reference to plants, animals, the elements, and other natural features and phenomena in her song titles. She shows an especial fascination with the moon as a number of her compositions refer to the moon in their titles.
Matsui’s music shows signs of evolving over the years. Her American debut album A Drop of Water showed a promise of east meets west with a jazz fusion flavor. However, her recordings for MCA Records in the early 1990s lacked this appeal and, for many, sounded indistinguishable from the rest of what is now known as smooth jazz. Starting with Cherry Blossom, though, her music increased in popularity as she differentiated herself from the rest of contemporary jazz. By the time Sapphire was released in 1995, her music flirted with everything from funk music to Latin and world music.
Whisper From the Mirror from 2000 showed Matsui leaving the smooth jazz style and moving towards new age with a soundscape sound. A number of her fans had a problem adapting to her new style of music (though she continued to play smooth jazz at her concerts). But many welcomed the change. Over time her post-2000 albums show a more worldbeat flavor to them. Her 2005 release Walls of Akendora, however, is a return to her pre-2000, smooth jazz days.
Beyond the Light
Bridge Over the Stars
Bridge Over the Stars (live)
Bronze Casting
Doll
Foot Steps
Forever, Forever <--one of my favs!
Kappa
Light Above the Trees
Meadow
Night Hawks' Dream
Night Waltz
1942, from Russia
Ruins of Sonora
Safari
Tears from the Sun
Water Lily
Whisper from the Mirror
White Owl
Wildflower
Official Web site: www.keikomatsui.com
Photo: Keiko in Seattle after concert at Dimitriou’s Jazz Alley, August 2007.
Photo Credit: Takatakatang
Every Moment Is Precious
(Author unknown)
To realize the value of ONE YEAR
Ask a student who has failed his exam.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE DAY
Ask a daily wage laborer who has ten kids to feed.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet or...
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE
Ask the person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND
Ask a person who has survived an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLI-SECOND
Ask the person who won a “silver” medal in the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have,
because you never know when time may run out...
Fascinating Stories: Threads
Threads is a 1984 television docudrama depicting the effects of a nuclear war on the United Kingdom and its aftermath. Written by Barry Hines and directed by Mick Jackson, Threads was filmed in late 1983 and early 1984.
The premise of Threads was to hypothesize the effects of a nuclear war on the United Kingdom after an exchange between the Soviet Union and the United States escalates to include the UK. [1984, Length: 1:47:45]
T-Shirt of the Day
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Other colors and products with the “Girlfriend was wearing” design can be found here: www.cafepress.com/jabetasresale/1242254
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Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints he uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post each one in the following days (this is photo #5). If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
Today's Words: plagiarize, plasma
plagiarize
plasma
plagiarize: \plā'jə-rīz'\; to use and pass off (the ideas or writings of another) as one's own; to appropriate for use as one's own passages or ideas from (another).
plasma: \plāz'mə\; the colorless watery fluid of the blood and lymph that contains no cells, but in which the blood cells (erythrocytes, leukocytes, and thrombocytes) are suspended; an electrically neutral, highly ionized gas composed of ions, electrons, and neutral particles; it is a phase of matter distinct from solids, liquids, and normal gases.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Fascinating Stories: Nosferatu
Originally released in 1922 as Nosferatu, Eine Symphonie Des Grauens, director F.W. Murnau’s chilling and eerie adaption of Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a silent masterpiece of terror which to this day is the most striking and frightening portrayal of the legend. [1922, Silent; Length: 1:24:19]
Laugh of the Day
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn’t reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn’t reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, “How dare you touch my body that way, I don’t even know you!”
Shocked, the man says, “Well, ma’am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.”
T-Shirt of the Day
The t-shirts are ONLY $16.99 for Sm-XL and $19.99 for 2X-4X Large;
You can order by clicking on the image.
Other colors and products with the “Boyfriend was wearing” design can be found here: www.cafepress.com/jabetasresale/1242246
All designs can be found here: www.cafepress.com/jabetasresale
Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints he uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post each one in the following days (this is photo #4). If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
Today's Words: pecuniary, photosynthesis
pecuniary
photosynthesis
pecuniary: \pĭ-kyōō'nē-ěr'ē\; relating to or involving money;
photosynthesis: \fō'tō-sĭn'thĭ-sĭs\; the process in green plants and certain other organisms by which carbohydrates are synthesized from carbon dioxide and water using light as an energy source. Most forms of photosynthesis release oxygen as a byproduct.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Fascinating Stories: Plan 9 from Outer Space
Edward D. Wood Jr. wrote, produced and directed what is considered by Hollywood to be the worst movie ever made. Here’s your chance to see it and make up your own mind! Don’t say I didn’t warn you...heheh [1959, Length: 1:18:21]
Laugh of the Day
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...
P... E... N... I... S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH**
Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful autumn photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints he uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post each one in the following days (this is photo #3). If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
Today's Words: paradigm, parameter
paradigm
parameter
paradigm: \pār'ə-dīm', -dĭm'\; one that serves as a pattern or model; a set or list of all the inflectional forms of a word or of one of its grammatical categories: the paradigm of an irregular verb; a set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them, especially in an intellectual discipline.
parameter: \pə-rām'ĭ-tər\; any factor that defines a system and determines (or limits) its performance; a constant in the equation of a curve that can be varied to yield a family of similar curves.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Fascinating Stories: Paradise Found
Paradise. We imagine many things when we think of this word. However, we do not think about Islamic Architecture, which influenced the art of Europe so profoundly. This documentary tours through the Muslim world, in search of that “atmosphere of Paradise,” hidden away in mosques and palaces. [Length: 1:33:25]
Visit www.IslamicVideos.net for more videos like this!
Laugh of the Day
Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking.
Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.” Edna: “Well, I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what’s there but a luxury car...a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
“Then he takes me out for dinner...a marvelous dinner...lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!”
Dorothy: “Goodness gracious!...so you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him?”
Edna: “No, no, no...I’m just saying, wear an old dress.”
T-Shirt of the Day
The t-shirts are:
White: $16.99 for Sm-XL and $19.99 for 2X-4X Large;
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Other colors and products with the “Male Menu” design can be found here: www.cafepress.com/jabetasresale/1728367
All designs can be found here: www.cafepress.com/jabetasresale
Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful autumn photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints he uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post a each one in the following days (this is photo #2). If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
Today's Words: oxidize, parabola
oxidize
parabola
oxidize: \ŏk'sĭ-dīz'\; to combine with oxygen; make into an oxide; to increase the positive charge or valence of (an element) by removing electrons; to coat with oxide.
parabola: \pə-rāb'ə-lə\; a plane curve formed by the intersection of a right circular cone and a plane parallel to an element of the cone or by the locus of points equidistant from a fixed line and a fixed point not on the line.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Fascinating Stories: Invisible Children
In the spring of 2003, three young Americans traveled to Africa in search of such as story. What they found was a tragedy that disgusted and inspired them. A story where children are weapons and children are the victims. The “Invisible Children: rough cut” film exposes the effects of a 20-year-long war on the children of Northern Uganda. These children live in fear of abduction by rebel soldiers, and are being forced to fight as a part of violent army. This wonderfully reckless documentary is fast paced, with an MTV beat, and is something truly unique. To see Africa through young eyes is humorous and heart breaking, quick and informative—all in the very same breath. See this film, you will be forever changed. [Length: 55:08]
Visit www.invisiblechildren.com for more info.
Laugh of the Day
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. “Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?”
When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.“God Almighty!” shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, “Very good” and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But Mary didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. “Jesus Christ!!!” shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, “Very good,” and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question, ”What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”
The nun fainted...
T-Shirt of the Day
The t-shirts are:
White: $16.99 for Sm-XL and $19.99 for 2X-4X Large;
Women’s Light Pink (shown), light yellow and light blue: ONLY $17.99 for Sm-XL and $20.99 for 2X-4X Large
You can order by clicking on the image.
Other colors and products with the “Female Menu” design can be found here: www.cafepress.com/jabetasresale/1728407
All designs can be found here: www.cafepress.com/jabetasresale
Photo of the Day
This remarkably beautiful autumn photo was sent to me in an email that read, when God paints he uses all His colors. There were a total of nine wonderful photos included—I’ll post a each one in the following days. If anyone knows anything about these photos, please leave a comment as I would love to credit the photographer. Thanks!
Today's Words: omnipotent, orthography
omnipotent
orthography
omnipotent: \ŏm-nĭp'ə-tənt\; having unlimited or universal power, authority, or force; all-powerful.
orthography: \ôr-thŏg'rə-fē\; the art or study of correct spelling according to established usage; the aspect of language study concerned with letters and their sequences in words; a method of representing a language or the sounds of language by written symbols; spelling.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
64 Interview Answers You Need to Know
Ever been on an interview and the interviewer starts asking questions you NEVER thought of? No matter how prepared you are, something unexpected always comes up. Crackinterview.info has come up with answers to 64 interview questions that should help you ace your next job interview. For those in my home state of Michigan, here’s a question you really should know the answer to: Why have you been out of work so long?
Laugh of the Day
Today’s laugh is brought to you by the little men inside your computer that work their magic while you surf the Internet. DON’T touch your screen. Watch as something amazing and funny happens to your browser window.
